How to Get Out of Uncomfortable Conversations

Actually, don’t ask me because as you will soon find out, I have no idea how to get out of conversations I don’t want to be in.

I’ve had my fair share of weird, completely one-sided conversations. I used to sell jewelry in a mall and then, leased apartments which, for whatever reason, lends itself to a colorful assortment of characters. I guess I was blessed cursed given a face that is far too kind and screams “Please, tell me about X, Y, and Z and then, when you’re done, tell me more.”

Though nothing could have prepared me for the conversation I had with a young Singaporean man. It was a split-second decision, to purchase wine from a wine retailer rather than the grocery store, that set me on my path. The conversation started harmlessly enough. I’m looking for wine, the employee is making recommendations of various whites even though I said I was looking for red. He then offers up a tasting which, I now realize, is my kryptonite and what led to my ultimate demise.

I don’t remember how he segued from ringing-up my purchase to telling me about conspiracy theories, but it happened and seamlessly. He’d done this before. He started relatively small, with George W. Bush orchestrating 9/11. Still reeling from the speed of how quickly the conversation changed, I quickly became annoyed because I felt a sense of ownership over the Bush-9/11 conspiracy theory. Is it cultural appropriation to believe in another country’s conspiracies?

Nevertheless, I couldn’t dwell for long because he moved on to COVID. This one truly confuses me, and call me naive, but an international conspiracy on the scale that is COVID is just insane. And then, naturally, he followed that up with the COVID vaccine also being a conspiracy though to what end I’m still not entirely sure. He had a very thick Singaporean accent and spoke very low.

It was at about this point that I really could not figure out how I was going to escape. It’s sad to say, but not one person walked into that store for a full 45 minutes while I stood there, politely listening. I’m beginning to suspect the joke’s on me and everyone else had been in the same position once before. And yes, I said 45 minutes. That is how insanely polite I am and how interested in the conversation my face must have conveyed. Meanwhile, internally, I am screaming, crying, and laughing.

Okay, so as not to bore you much more with the details I’ll just run through the rest of the list: aliens exist though they do not reveal themselves to us because our brains would essentially melt with the knowledge; Biden is a Reptilian which if you haven’t heard that one, it’s super fun; and beekeepers are intentionally killing bees. That one was not familiar to me and honestly, I really stopped believing what he was saying at this point. Finally, the only thing that saved me was the beginning of a Lion Dance somewhere in the mall.

There you have it. I could really use some advice on how to get out of weird conversations I don’t want to be part of. As long as there isn’t the allure of a free wine tasting then it’s possible I can always escape them. But, if the alluring, siren song that is a 5-milliliter sip of wine is thrown out there, I’m not sure I’ll be able to resist.