I started writing this post when we first moved to Singapore, nearly two years ago, and I am so glad I never finished it because, y’all. Y’all. To quote the ever-eloquent Samuel L. Jackson, there are “motherfuckin’ FLYING snakes” in Singapore. When we first got here I was mostly concerned with all of the highly venomous snakes, of which there are seven*. But, in true ADHD fashion, something shiny (and flying) caught my attention and I am now more concerned with flying snakes.

Originally, I was only aware of one snake but, as my research continued, I discovered there are THREE types of flying snakes in Singapore: The paradise tree snake, golden flying snake, and twin-barred snake.

• The paradise tree snake can grow to almost 4 feet in length. They are venomous and possess rear fangs, which I have now come to understand does not mean fangs on their rears, but rather fangs in the rear of their mouths which means their bite is not as effective. Well, phew. I’m okay with flying snakes but I draw the line at highly venomous, flying snakes.

• The golden flying snake can grow to be over 4 feet long and are also mildly venomous. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

• The twin-barred snake can grow to a mere 2 feet long and, like it’s buddies, is mildly venomous with rear fangs (remember, not butt fangs, fangs in the rear of its mouth). This particular snake is rather elusive and is rarely seen, even in its forest habitat. That’s a plus for this particular snake as I also am rarely seen in a forest habitat.

To add insult to injury, these guys not only fly, but they can cover over a football field in length, soaring through the sky and undulating their body while using their tail for balance. To note, I use the term “fly” rather loosely. Rather, they turn their bodies into venomous parachutes by sucking in the length of their bellies and forming a U-Shape to catch the air and glide. To be honest, I’d rather not focus on the technicalities of the whole thing and just focus on the fact that one day, you could be outside walking, totally minding your own business when you look up and BAM! Snake in the face.

While I could continue on about flying snakes and possibly make jokes about them coming at your face (*insert adolescent giggle*), I think I’ve made my point. Snakes don’t really bother me at all. In fact, I am hopeful that before we leave this lovely island I will have seen at least one reticulated python in the wild. What I really am not hopeful for is having a snake smack me in the face despite what a great story it would make.

*The seven, highly venomous snakes of Singapore are: King cobra, Malayan blue coral snake, banded krait, banded coral snake, spitting cobra, Wagler’s pit viper, and the mangrove pit viper.